Sessions & Lessons from Sabbatical

How it Started…

In January of 2016 I was burned out.  We had undertaken a huge remodel project the previous year, which I foolishly attempted to manage in addition to my full time lead pastor responsibilities. Over the previous 15 months, we were beginning yet another staff transition and I had recently begun pursuing a masters level education program. All of these areas piled onto my 8.5 years of full time ministry, coupled with my prideful resistance to make time to truly rest and recuperate on a regular basis, left me questioning my calling and gift to pastoral ministry. In my darkest moments, Sunday mornings brought anxiety and pain instead of joy and excitement.  I was suffering from panic attacks at moments that should have been restful and my emotional state of being was fractured, leaving my moments of joy almost manic and my moments of sorrow, crushing.  It was in these moments that the Holy Spirit asserted Himself and helped me understand that I couldn’t make any determinations about my future in this clouded broken state of being.

In February I reached out to my good friends in ministry who helped me to share my thoughts and feelings with the Elders of Oasis Community Church. Upon hearing my struggles, the elders graciously asked “How can we help?” rather than “What happened?” That simple yet kind response spoke volumes. 

Our agreed upon solution was a three month sabbatical to coincide with the summer months, where I’d get more time with my family, as my wife and children were on vacation from school and work.  Our church planting network ACTS29 graciously covered the cost of personal coaching from Cross Point Ministries during this time. The focus of my sabbatical was simply to rest. It was intended that all ministry responsibilities both regular and emergency would be lifted from me so I would be free to recalibrate with no expectations. It was during this intentional time of rest that I learned some of the most impactful lessons. I hope you’ll join me today as I share:

1. Being not Doing. 

This feels like a no brainer, but honestly I had lost the art of just being Jesus’ disciple.  My prayer and devotional life were laid on the alter of the “To Do” list.  Growing in grace and discernment traded for “successful ministry metrics”.  Freed from many of the (self) imposed burdens of what I thought ministry was I was able to get back to being a Christian, daily pursuing Jesus as the first affection of my heart and the first allegiance of my mind.  I know re-entry into ministry will bring the temptation to cast this lesson aside often and I am sure I will fail, but the beautiful thing about understanding this truth deeply is that once you sit with Jesus and embrace his presence daily you can more quickly recognize when you’ve left it. 

2. Mindfulness 

As I mentioned above, my emotional calibration severely affected by my burnout.  I’m an emotional person to begin with, but my lack of real rest had left me on the ragged edge at all times. I found myself reacting all the time without giving myself any time to respond to people and circumstances. In the best of circumstances this had me reacting to things on the fly and in the worst of circumstances blowing my top over trivial or minor problems.  When discussing this with my sabbatical coach he recommended a book that became a great tool in understanding both my current condition and provided some helpful tools to combat it.  The most helpful tool was the process of developing mindfulness.  While it’s roots come from eastern philosophy and religion, the principle of transforming your mind comes right out of scripture, practicing the skill of mindfulness enabled me to slow down and process the emotions that would flare in me and allow my mind and thoughts to catch up before responding. 

3. Receiving Grace  

My burnout was a result of many of my faults, but one that became very clear in the first few days was my inability to receive the grace that I would often preach so passionately about.  Forced into resting, I was faced with wrestling my own pride and refusal to admit I couldn’t handle or do it all.  I had to admit I couldn’t. That I am a creature in need. That I am dependent just as all of God’s people are. Being freed from the responsibilities of doing and developing the ability to slow down and stay in the moment I began to reflect on what a gift the Grace of God is.  The loving kindness of the Elders, the affection of the church family, the support of Gospel partners and friends all of these hit me like a ton of bricks in these moments or reflection as tangible examples of God’s love for me.  I had always struggles receiving that reality. My time away enabled my to reflect on this unmerited favor our God has for us.  

How it will end…

Early in my time in pastoral ministry I remember telling a brother wrestling with sin that we all as God’s children return to Him, We can walk back or crawl.  I pray have come out of a season of crawling back to Him, He might grant unto me the wisdom to walk toward Him from now on.  

Rested and Ready, 

Pastor Vinnie 

¹ a mental state achieved by focusing one's awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique

² Romans 12:2 (ESV) — 2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.